Pernah tak korang feel frustrated in relationship ? Of course pernah kan because nobody is perfect ! I accept that fact. I've been in this relationship about 8 months with this person. Tak really pasti if it's love or lust ! But sometimes I felt restless without him around. Rasa macam hidup tak kena saja. But my best friends said I deserve a better man (Like lagu Robbie William lah pulak ! He, he !). At the moment he's attending a course so we are only able to see each other during weekends saja. Lagi lah Eva makan hati kan. Sometimes miss jugak dia ! Yang kadang2 Eva bengang tu some weekends dia tak boleh nak keluar kerana commitments course dia itu lah. He gave me a few reasons like busy lah, letih lah dan lain2. Imagine if one week tak bersua I have to wait for another week to see him. Letih kan ! Sometimes tu Eva dah cancelled my appointments with friends or family members just to see him tapi last2 minit dia boleh kata tak jadi jumpa. Tension sangat ! Sedih pun ada. Bukan lah Eva ni demand nak jumpa every single weekend tapi at least terubat jugak rindu kalau dah dapat jumpa dia kan. But that doesn't mean yang Eva abaikan my family and friends. Never ! Jangan salah anggap OK. They are still and always be my main priority. Some weekends pun Eva sendiri ada other important stuff to do or place to be at !

Eva know may be Eva terlalu mengharapkan kasih sayang dan attentions from him ! May be kerana Eva dah lama not in a long term relationship ni. Tapi kejadian semalam buat Eva berfikir ! Yesterday my best friend, R told me that kawan her friend, W yang kebetulan satu course dengan my guy, M ni told her some nasty story about him (Complicated kan ! I know. Just bear with me. Tapi come to think of it macam it's a small, small world kan). According to that W, my guy ni selalu usha dan ada hati minat kat W. Tersentap Eva dengar storey tu ! Dalam diam2 M ni dah cari orang lain ! Selalu pulak tu kacau2 W ni. Poor girl ! Padahal W ni dah ada boy friend dan tak pandang pun M ni. Memang Eva akui M ni is not that outstanding in the looks department. Eva pun tak lah superficial dan choosy sangat pasal how my partner should look like. I prefer good personality rather than good looks. Yeah, right kan ? Well, that's me. Tak lah desperate tapi Eva cuba judge people not solely according to how they look OK. Eva tries to look beyond that person's facade. Kan beauty tu skin deep and beauty is in the eyes of beholder. Sorry tersimpang sekejap. He, he ! Eva knows it's his right kan to see other people ! But tak perlu lah nak menduakan Eva. Of course, I'm really pissed off when I heard about it ! Semalam M sms Eva mintak tolong Eva top up kan credit his hand phone. Eva pun buat tak tau saja. Malas nak layan ! Dia sure wonder why Eva senyap kan. Tak reply pun sms tu ! Last time I pernah jugak ignore his sms and then dia ada tanya Eva if I was angry at him or not. I lied that tak ada apa2 and everything's OK ! May be I should have told him my real feelings kan. Silly me ! But at that moment Eva felt macam tak perlu nak ambik hati sangat. Konon give and take lah ! Kan dah merana.

So my real dilemma now is should Eva stay with him or should Eva move on with my own life ! Musykil sangat ni ! Should Eva just call it a quit atau masih compromise dengan my guy ni ! Pening betul kepala otak Eva saat ni. But like my best friend said banyak lagi good caring man out there. Tapi nak jumpa sorang tu yang payah sikit kan ! Eva just wish life is a bit simpler. Do I expect too much from him ? Eva guess semua orang deserves to love and to be loved kan. Naluri manusia ! Now, I don't know for sure. May be time will tell. Eva guess Eva have to figure out someway, somehow to fix this kan. Tak tau lah !

On a lighter note, pic kat atas tu one of Eva all time favourites. "Irises" by Vincent Van Gogh, my favourite painter. Eva harap korang enjoy it as much as I do. Eva suka Van Gogh's genius brush strokes. Sayang hidup dia berakhir dengan tragis. With mental breakdown dan eventually committed suicide. Wasted saja kan !

Anyway, thanks a lot for reading my blog. Kalau rasa bored with my problem tu, Eva apologise from the bottom of my heart. But Eva rasa having this blog pun as a way for me to express myself and my true feelings kan. It's not my fault I am who I am and I am not trying to be someone else. OK lah everybody, Eva dah nak tidor pun ni. Esok kerja kan. Arrrghhhh....bosan betul ! Best nya kalau cuti. Tapi got to earn a living. Have lots of bills to pay kan. Tau tak apa. He, he ! Sure Monday blues nya tomorrow. Eva catch you all later. Good night ! Or rather good morning. He, he !